Saturday, May 27, 2017

Envy.

Hey.

Recently, I came across a troubling realization.  I am envious.

My mother is probably reading this and flipping out because envy is such a terrible thing and its one those seven deadly sins and its just generally not good.  But, we all do it.  We all envy.

In today's society is it so easy to go online and peek into someone else's life.  It is so simple to see all that everyone has, all of their material possessions, all of their relationships, their lives essentially.  It is incredibly easy to compare what you have to what they have.

Personally, I was really depressed about having to make the tough decision to enter FIU rather than move to Washington DC for college.  I had a difficult time finding a reason to get out of bed.  Sometimes, I lost my appetite and even lost a few pounds over my saddness.  I didn't really tell anyone about how I felt until one night I just couldn't hold it in anymore and I walked into my parent's bedroom, sobbing like a child because I felt everything in my life had gone wrong.

Truthfully, life just isn't always perfect. Things were not going my way and seeing everyone around me so happy, filled with so many amazing opportunities and new experiences, I felt like I was being held back from reaching my full potential.

Then, out of nowhere, all the signs that I kept praying for came to me.

It all began prom night.  Prom was incredibly expensive.  Don't get me wrong, it was an unforgettable experience and I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to be part of the tradition that is "Prom" but I regret paying so much for one night.  I regret feeling like I had to be beautiful for everyone around me rather than feeling beautiful for myself.  I mainly regret feeling sad for myself about not having a date because despite being dateless, I had an awesome time with my friends.

That night taught me that I was so concerned about what others thought about me that I did not stop to think about what I thought of myself. I needed the elegant dress, the beautiful hair, the long nails, everything had to be perfect (@ Sharpay Evans).  By the end of the night, my makeup was streaking down my face, my hair was frizzy, and my heels were in my hand.  None of the other stuff mattered because I danced with my closest friends and had a good time while still being sober.

After prom, I realized I didn't need a mans nor did I need all of these excessive and expensive things to make me happy.

Then, the following night I went to church and a lady went up to my mother and started speaking to her about a new radio station which led to the conversation about a Puerto Rican prayer group and then led to the conversation about a young adult ministry.

One of my main concerns about going to FIU was that I would not be involved in my faith as I would be at CUA, especially considering my recent hindrance in my faith (we all have moments where we question ourselves and our connection to God, but that's a whole nother topic).  When I found out that there was a youth ministry near me of students my age that sought the Lord in the same way I did, I knew it was a sign.

So, the point of my anecdote was not to spark sympathy, because I am getting better, but to show you that sometimes life sucks.  Sometimes, we see that others are enjoying their lives and we see all that they have but even once we reach a similar point we still see what we don't have rather than all of the blessings around us.

Look around you.  Right now, you are probably envious and jealous of someone who has more, who has more money or more friends or more time to relax.  Let it go (@ Frozen lol).  Focus on all the amazing opportunities, even if they are small.  Things may not be going your way right now, but if you continue striving for your goals you will have all that you need to fulfill your own journey towards happiness.

It is so difficult with all of this negative energy and this push to lead an idle life but God calls us to keep pursuing greater goals.

Today, I am focusing on the small victories of just going to the gym and the sun shining beautifully outside because life is too short to be envious.

A.

P.S. - I looked like a little princess at prom and I had such a fun time!